FALLING: OBSTACLE OR OPPORTUNITY
Last month I fell off of my hunter. What should have been a very low simple line, I completely misjudged and deleted a stride. My lack of riding effectively, coupled with one of the first crisp mornings of autumn, encouraged my horse to take a hard left while I took a hard right. In a split second I heard the back of my helmet hit the ground. That evening, I fell asleep on the flight home and I woke up stiff in pain throughout my neck and shoulders. Over the next week I couldn’t run, a sport I crave mentally and physically. I seriously considered giving up jumping because over the last couple of years I had slowly been allowing a fear of being physically hurt creep deeper into my psyche.
You might be thinking that I must not be committed to the sport if I am willing to give up after a fall, but I have been serious about riding my entire life. Leaving out many details, I was not born into a horse family, but mother claims that the second word I spoke was “horse.” Growing up in the seventies, much of my generation had significantly more freedoms than the kids of today (i.e. do your chores and make sure you are home by dark!). My horses lived at home and I regularly galloped bareback over fences and throughout my parent’s small piece of property. I loved competing and showed locally and regionally both in hunt seat and western events.
Post undergraduate and into my early thirties, my ex-husband and I operated a large cattle operation and I spent long days on horseback moving cattle in less than ideal conditions- galloping down steep bluffs, swimming across deep creeks, and on more than one occasion having a horse fall under me from slick or frozen ground. I also showed on the AQHA circuit in the all-around events, primarily throughout the Northwest.
Post divorce, one of the big accomplishments during my thirties was earning my MBA, while working full time. On more than one occasion when I had reached at the point of exhaustion while studying late at night, I would remind myself that my end goal was to always have the ability to own a show horse and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle independently. As time and funds allowed, I started back riding in AQHA all-around events; first leasing an older horse and then purchasing my own.
Now I am in my forties and I have come full circle to my youth and I ride hunters. Unfortunately, I have slowly been allowing a fear of getting hurt to affect me mentally. This emotion began before even purchasing what I believe is my horse of a lifetime. He lives out of state where we both can train year round in an extremely highly regarded program at Morning Shadows Farm. Only my husband and a close amateur friend were aware that this fall had pushed me even further to seriously contemplating quitting jumping.
As our plane touched down in Phoenix last week for the first training weekend since my fall, I could feel the tension in my shoulders build. Instead of feeling enthusiastic to ride, I felt like an absolute failure.
OVERCOMING PERCEIVED FAILURE
How did I proceed? I did not quit jumping I am basically following “Seven Things to Do When You Fail to Achieve your Goals" published in Stunning Motivation: The Kick You Need in Life. The authors recommendations that resonate with me include:
- Do a Post-Mortem and Learn From the Experience
Failure is the feedback telling you that something is not working and you need to change it. You don’t have to look at failure as failure, treat it as feedback that will help you improve.
- Learn from Credible Source
1) You have to do it the right way if you want to get results. Just like if you want to see the sunrise, running West is not the right way.
2) Hard work will only get you results faster; it will not guarantee your success. Thus, if you work hard blindly, it will make you fail faster. So make sure you are doing it the right way. This is why having a mentor or a coach is important. Your mentor can guide you and tell you the right way to get results.
- Ask Brutally Honest Questions
Here are some questions you should ask yourself:
1) If I continue to do what I do, will I get the results I want? Will I be able to reach my goals?
2) Is this how successful and extraordinary people in my industry are doing it?
3) Are my actions sufficient to generate the result I want and hence, achieve my goals?
If what you do is not going to get you the result you want, what should you do? What can you change or improve to get on track and get the result you desire?
- Reignite Your Desire
Another good way to deal with failure is to reignite your desire. Keep the energy going and boost your motivation. How do you do that? Simple, revisit your purpose.
If your purpose for your goal is not strong enough, you will not do whatever it takes to achieve the goal.
- Reboot and Restart
Just reboot. Set a new goal or simply extend the time frame to achieve the goals. Of course, before you do that, you want to do a post-mortem to find out why you fail. .If you do this, you will improve. You will learn from your past and upgrade yourself to the next level.
- Failure Won’t Define Who You Are
If you fail right now, it doesn’t mean that you will fail again in the future. Your current situation doesn’t define you. It is just where you are right now.
You can change. As long as you keep your desire burning, maintain your hopes, and find ways to improve, you will somehow achieve what you want in life. (1)
(1) 7 Things To Do When You Fail To Achieve Your Goals by Shawnlim,
published Oct. 25, 2016 http://stunningmotivation.com/fail-achieve-goals/
COMING BACK STRONGER
Post mortem, I had to take full credit for my fear of falling. Due to unforeseen family constraints, I now know I have not been riding my horse enough. He has been properly prepared, but I have not put the time in. Additionally, when at home in Idaho, I have not sought out a horse with a similar big stride to practice on. I ultimately struggle with establishing pace and the corresponding skills required to maintain cadence effortlessly.
I also recognize that my perfectionist personality triggers the effects of two diagnosis my doctor of psychology made a decade ago: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It is very difficult for me to share these diagnosis with our community, but I feel it is important to better understand how I handle pressure. While the OCD is almost in remission, the GAD is a part of my daily life. My case reaches far beyond “just being nervous.” To overcome anxiety, which when I jump can transfer to a fear of getting hurt, I require a full toolbox of horsemanship skills to feel prepared. I am now with the correct mentor/trainer that creates effective exercises and patiently works with me to build skills and bring years of declining confidence back
My competitive goals and the corresponding time frame have had to adjust. While I thought I would be competing in the amateurs on my gelding this fall, I made the decision to keep him on the road only in the open division. My time will be dedicated to spending more hours in the saddle breaking years of habits and learning the correct fundamentals of the American system of forward seat riding under the expertise of my trainer, Becky Warner. This is the toolbox I need to be confident and successful.
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A REMINDER
I have said this before and I will say it again. I am very well aware that it is very easy to judge others from the sidelines and we need to remember that we don’t walk in anyone else’s shoes or boots.
Last weekend it looked like I was working on the easiest exercise, which consisted of cantering back and forth over a 2 ft. vertical. I will tell you that learning to ride my gelding effectively and consistently on both the front and backside of a fence with at least six strides on each side was the toughest mental exercise I have executed in years. My trainer patiently guided me through tracking, connection, body position and straightness until she could see me confidence was regained. It was one of the best rides on my gelding because the pieces finally came together. My excitement for the sport is is re-ignited.